It's within the movement of the flow that I was finally able to find stillness in my life.
Growing up, I was always into to athletics; I loved the feeling of moving my body, playing lacrosse, distance running, horseback riding, and surfing. I believed that movement was love. But in reality, as I began to mature, I realized that my movement was really a frantic effort to avoid the here and the now. I moved my body compulsively to avoid actually facing the depression, anxiety, and self-doubt I struggled with. I believed that keeping the momentum was the only way for me to stay sane. And in later years, with a failing marriage and the general confusion that comes with trying to find one's self in their 20s as well as the birth of my first child, I was terrified to lose the momentum. I just kept running. I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know who to talk to, so I figured if I just kept moving I was fine.
Even though I began my yoga journey at the age of 15, it wasn't until I had my son that I realized the true power of stillness. I found the magic in being fully present in the moment by holding his little face in my hands, listening to his soft breath, feeling the warmth of his tiny body, and gazing into his beautiful blue eyes. It was at that time, that I finally dove heart first into the practice. Instead of with my hands, abs, ass, or feet. It was then that the divine shift occurred for me, the linking of the body and the mind. I finally began to surrender to the flow., It was the one thing in my life that was giving me stability. It was within forcing myself to stay in the stillness that was beginning to reveal my truth. By simmering in that space, as uncomfortable as it was, I began to find clarity. I began to find stability in who I already was, not what I was in the past or what I might be in the future. I was finally being OK with the here and now.
It was during this period of enlightenment that I felt compelled to share my feelings, thoughts, and emotions with others. It was when I was realized that movement was not love, the practice of yoga was love in motion. With this divine feeling bubbling up inside me, it seemed selfish to keep it within. Knowing that with a bit of guidance, others could find the same peace within themselves. I became a certified instructor in the spring of 2015 and ever since then I've been encouraging others to explore that space of stillness. In an effort to help them love themselves-the way that I now love myself.
Yes, the practice that we teach is in fact movement. But it is love in motion. It strengthens the connection to the head and the heart while inviting us into that comforting space of stillness. It is in that space that I feel as though I am finally home, no running, surfing big waves, or handstanding till my fingertips bleed can bring me the clarity and stability that the moving mediation of the flow offers. Knowing that I am my very best in this moment, because this moment is all that is truly guaranteed in life. No more running away from it in hopes of something greater.
My message to you? Do what you love, share what you love, and allow yourself to inspire others to feel and find the same peace.